I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
