Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
