I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize