She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I looked at my own cervix.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
