Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
