Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
