Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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