I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
