I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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