Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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