Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
