Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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