He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
