Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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