dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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