You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize