Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
