Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
