He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
