i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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