I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
