If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
