I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
