Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
