After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
There's even glitter on my cock...
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