Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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