Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
