When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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