I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize