On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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