I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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