anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
