How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Houston, we have a squirter
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
