They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
