i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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