She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
