The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
