I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
