When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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