Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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