my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
