we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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