I CAN MOONWALK!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
