paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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