Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
