no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
