Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
