I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
