My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
