They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
