If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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