you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
