I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
