wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
