My first STD was from a foam party
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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