Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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