well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
