I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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