I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
