I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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