I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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