we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
