any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
