i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
