You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
