I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize