What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
