no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
