Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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