You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize