If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
