Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
