Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
