Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
