dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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