I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
