Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
