Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
