quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
