Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
