So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
