The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
