That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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