After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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