in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize