dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
