i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
