Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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