Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
