I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
