Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
