If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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