yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
