I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize