i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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