Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
