I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize