he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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