There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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