I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
