That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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