The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize