You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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