He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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