Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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