You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
