somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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