dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
