Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
