Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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