This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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