how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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