yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize