tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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