So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
